S2 E41: 🧠 Curb Your Impulse Spending with Nervous System Awareness /w Stacy Peterson

Feb 6

EPISODE SUMMARY

Ever walk into Target for milk and leave with a cart full of things you didn't plan to buy? You're not alone, and it's not a willpower problem. In this episode of the Money Healing Club podcast, host Rachel Duncan speaks with Stacy Peterson, to explore the connection between your nervous system and your spending habits.

Stacy is a licensed therapist & a certified financial therapist. Together, Rachel and Stacy unpack how to recognize when you're in the right state to make conscious money decisions, what to do in the Target parking lot when you feel activated, and how to come back to center after overspending.

💬 "The goal is not to always be regulated. No human can exist and nor do we want you to because our survival expects us to be able to have our threat responses work appropriately. We just don't want them to happen at unnecessary times." - Stacy Peterson

Key Takeaways:

Your spending is not a willpower problem, it's a nervous system awareness process
Making conscious money decisions happens when you're in your "window of resilience"
Notice what's happening in your body before making purchases (the Target parking lot check-in)
Understand the difference between hyper arousal (activated, anxious) and hypo arousal (shut down, disconnected)
Ask yourself: "What is the want beneath the want?" to uncover deeper emotional needs
Practice "pendulation", the natural movement between different nervous system states
Self-compassion is essential when you spend more than you intended

About Stacy Peterson: Stacy is a licensed therapist and certified financial therapist with over a decade of experience. A former teacher, she brings a patient and encouraging approach to her work. She's a Trauma of Money Methods certified practitioner and is pursuing her polyvagal informed certificate. Stacy offers individual and group financial therapy through River Bend Financial Therapy, blending practical tools with nervous system awareness.

⏰ EPISODE BREAKDOWN:

03:00 | The Window of Resilience Understanding when you're in the best nervous system state to make conscious money decisions.

07:00 | The Target Parking Lot Exercise A powerful guided practice for checking in with your body before shopping, noticing what's happening in your nervous system as you pull into the parking lot.

14:00 | What Is the Want Beneath the Want? Going deeper than surface-level desires to uncover the emotional needs driving your impulse purchases.

30:00 | Pendulation: The Word That Rocks Our Socks Learning about the natural movement between nervous system states and why regulation isn't about staying calm all the time.

📚 Resources Mentioned

Trauma of Money professional training course & book
Consumerism Documentary: Century of Self
Window of Tolerance

🌎 Connect with Stacy Peterson:

☎️ Join the Conversation!

What's your "Target parking lot" moment? Where do you notice your nervous system getting activated around spending? Click on the big orange button on our site right from your phone or browser and let me know what store or situation tends to trigger impulse spending for you, and what you're learning about your nervous system in those moments!

https://www.moneyhealingclub.com/podcast

🎧 Your next listen:

Check out Episode S2E36 about buying no new things and what happens when you commit to a spending pause.

https://www.moneyhealingclub.com/podcast/s2e36

🌟 Want more help?

🤑 Free Email Course: Curb impulse spending with compassion and mindfulness at moneyhealingclub.com/challenge

We're a proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective where creators like me are uplifting diverse voices and driving meaningful change.

🧠 Curb Your Impulse Spending with Nervous System Awareness /w Stacy Peterson
===
[00:00:00]
Rachel Duncan: Welcome back to the Money Healing Club podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Duncan. I'm a certified financial therapist and art therapist, and I have a little bit of a cold today. This is the softest place to land in personal finance, and if you are someone who wants to spend less, but you find yourself spending more than you meant to over and over again.
This episode is just for you. Look, you're not alone if you feel like you can't trust yourself with money. But here's the truth. Your spending is not a willpower problem and it's not a moral failing. You may have heard me say this before. It's a nervous system awareness process. At least that's the way both me and my guest today see it.
So in today's episode, I am joined by the lovely Stacy Peterson. Stacy is a licensed therapist and fellow certified financial therapist and money nerd.
Before beginning her counseling career, Stacy worked as a teacher. It's [00:01:00] an experience that continues to shape her patient and encouraging educational approach with her clients. For the past decade, she has practiced as a mental health therapist supporting individuals and groups through anxiety, depression, and life transitions.
Stacy has a special passion for working with women, helping them navigate the complex relationship of money and emotions with empathy and expertise. She has completed extensive training to become a Trauma of Money Methods certified practitioner.
She's a certified financial therapist and she's currently pursuing her polyvagal informed certificate. Her work blends practical tools with nervous system awareness, which you'll hear about in this episode a lot. This helps clients feel grounded, confident, and more at peace in their financial lives.
So you can see there's just no better person to unpack nervous system awareness with money then Stacy. Just a little disclaimer, this episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not replace mental health or financial advising. I love this conversation with Stacy where we talk about how [00:02:00] to recenter ourselves in the target parking lot before going into buy something, and how to recover when we lose touch with ourselves a little bit.
You will also learn a very cool word at the end of the episode. It was new to me. Listen for it.
Alright, let's talk about what we don't usually say when we talk about our nervous system with Stacy Peterson.
Rachel Duncan: Welcome to the Money Healing Club podcast, Stacy Peterson. I'm so glad you're here.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: I am happy to be here.
Rachel Duncan: So Stacy and I have something in common. We both took the trauma of money professional training course, and Stacy and I were chatting a while back in a separate training we were doing 'cause we cannot get enough training just about some of our favorite parts of the trauma of money. And so what I would love for you to recap for me and for our listeners what is the relationship between money decisions [00:03:00] and our nervous system?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: What is it? Tell us.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yes. I love it. So there's a couple perspectives that I kind of like to look at. So, one is the trauma of money in phase one looks at the window of resilience. And what they talk about, is how do we know what's happening in our body and can we be conscious decision makers? And so recognizing that when we are in, quote unquote the window of tolerance, we have the ability, or in our window of resilience as they call it, we have the ability, to make the best financial decisions.
And I think that is the, the piece that resonated with me the most from the trauma of money because it's in my work as a therapist, that is one of the very first things that I work with, with clients on is, how do we recognize when we're in our window of tolerance? What is our window of tolerance?
What is nervous system dysregulation? Can we notice hyper and hypo arousal? And really just working on like the [00:04:00] basic mechanisms of how to notice what's happening in our body. That's work that I've done as a therapist for many years. But then to hear it utilized in a framework that's like, oh, as a financial therapist, I can also be using this very specific tool, to help people understand whether or not they are making like conscious money decision.
So yeah, so that's kind of how they kind of merge.
Rachel Duncan: I actually, it makes me think of when I decided to purchase the trauma of money, you know, and it's a, it's a financial decision, you know?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: It's a financial decision. Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: And I, you know, I decided to purchase it and I did it, and I happened to be talking to another colleague, I think that day,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: they were like, should I, should I, should I do it too?
I've been looking at it too. I was like, I'm in no place to make a financial recommendation because I'm quite literally on a high right now. Like the sparkle was so high from making that, know, and it
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: It was all positive, but I was in a more hypo state, or hyper [00:05:00] state, I should
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: in a hyper regulated state because I was like kind of in this, like, everything's wonderful, everyone should do this, and. It was and for some, this colleague continues to joke with me about that, you
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah,
Rachel Duncan: like, she was like, oh, you should be a financial therapist. You know, because you're thinking that way. It's like,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: yeah,
Rachel Duncan: I am in this like super kind of excited state
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: yeah.
Rachel Duncan: so I should not be giving advice right now. Which is like the most meta thing, you know, for purchasing the very course we're talking about it.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right. Yeah, and that's exactly it. In the trauma of Money, and I don't know, I think you were two cohorts ahead of me, but they had us watch like the first hour of a documentary about about consumerism. And I think that was the moment that I, I truly made the decision personally to not allow anything else or anybody else.
Be the decider of my money and that seems like a pretty, like, simple thing. It's like, well, yeah, well, shit, like nobody else has the control of your bank account. Like obviously you're the one making the [00:06:00] decisions. But it, it's not that simple. When we look at it from a, a consumeristic lens. We're companies that are selling products are, are reaching into our deepest unknown desires to get us to sell products or get us to buy products.
Excuse me. So when we can consciously make a decision that like, I am going to know what's happening in my body, whether or not I'm calm, whether or not I am, you know, hitting that need versus want proverbial list, you know, , I can truly make the decision for me and not for somebody trying to sell me a product.
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
I could you walk me through a little bit about how do you, like if we were to pretend like I'm your client, like how would you teach me how to pay attention? Because like, you know. All the states we're in, we're all conscious. It's all conscious, but it's like different, I think of it as like different gears that your nervous system is in.
Are we shutting down? Are we trying to get outta here? Are we staying right here? How could, [00:07:00] how would you teach me to like, know which nervous system state I'm in?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: That's a really great question. Well, something that I notice is that a lot of clients are like, yeah, I am here. But I'll be like, how aware of your body are you? And like on a scale of like zero to 10, 10 being like, I can notice when I begin to get a tiny bit anxious, I can feel when I get a tiny bit excited and zero being like, I have no feeling.
And one being I can feel it when I stub my toe. I know what my body feels like when my toe hurts, when I stub it. But really having a a, a truly embodied feeling, it means that I can notice like any shifts that are happening, and be able to notice what that felt sense feels like. So something that I, I use a lot instead of like in this moment helping you understand it.
Walk through like some guided imagery talking about [00:08:00] I'm gonna throw Target under the bus and I don't mean to throw Target under the bus, but there's so many running jokes about like moms in Target, right? So, I primarily work with, with women. And so when we talk about like pulling into the parking lot of Target, what are we thinking about
when we. I don't know if you, if you wanna walk through it specifically. I mean, we sure can.
Rachel Duncan: Yeah. I mean, I use Target a lot. I don't think another company. other than Amazon features as largely in financial therapy, it's like Target and Amazon. There is something, there's so, it's so reliable in delivering and you know, the design. I actually asked a question my community years ago, like, what is, is it about Target?
And man, we got some deep stuff like members saying the unfulfilled promise of my millennial dream. Like what? Like some really deep stuff, right? I go for diapers or I go for milk and I come out with, you know, throw pillows and a new outfit and, so yeah, so I think it is the pulling in, it's [00:09:00] like both this is reliable and there's something exciting.
What's gonna be. You know, right beyond the opening doors. 'cause every target is laid out the same way with the little $5 bins. So it's like both familiar and exciting kind of, there's this, you know, 'cause because Target's branding has done probably some pretty good work with trust, even though it's had some, you know issues,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: and a lot of boycotts is that I trust that I'm gonna find what I'm looking for and also find what I'm not looking for there
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: and that it's gonna look good.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: And then I'm gonna feel good. There's, I think there's all of that mixed in. When I, if I were to pull in to the target parking lot,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right. So I mean that's, that's a lot of awareness to be like, I'm going to find what I'm looking for and I'm gonna find what I'm not looking for but what are you gonna do with that? So like,
Rachel Duncan: right.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: then when we talk about, okay, now that's what I'm thinking when I'm pulling into the parking lot, am I aware of how much money I want to spend?
Rachel Duncan: [00:10:00] Right. 'cause
in that state, I'm so excited about the future.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right,
Rachel Duncan: kind of like any financial consideration like that is a, a different part of me will have to deal with a future me will need to deal with.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right.
Rachel Duncan: just excited about what I'm going to acquire right now. And really we could say it's probably a bit of a, the dopamine is starting to go up
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Oh yeah,
Rachel Duncan: anticipating the hunt.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: For sure.
Rachel Duncan: so yeah, probably not considering much about budget and I'm kind of thinking like my, my pre-financial therapy self, but yeah, just like I'm going to get both my needs and my wants fulfilled here.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah, and and not necessarily worried about what future self is going to need to consider, like, so when we're talking about noticing what's happening in a nervous system, recognizing whether or not when our. We're in our window of tolerance, allows us to decide what we're going to do with that. So like if we are in our window of tolerance and we're like, I am so excited about finding what I need, and then also finding what I don't need.
I'm [00:11:00] regulated and I'm excited and there's a venture ahead of me. It can feel like an adventure and it can feel like fun if I am outside of my window of tolerance and I'm dysregulated. And I can notice that because though I'm excited and I can feel the rise of the dopamines and I can feel how exciting it is to go to Target if I in the back of my brain know that,
I don't know how much money is in my account. I don't know whether or not I'm gonna be able to pay off my credit cards or if it's just going to accumulate more credit card debt if I know that I can't afford it. Maybe there's so many parts and pieces. That's like that background buzz of what we like to call dysregulation and dysregulation, right on the fringe of hyper and hypo arousal.
So like we can make okay money decisions in dysregulation, but what's going to happen is that we're gonna get much looser. Like we're going to be like, screw future self. She'll figure it out. I mean, she always does.
Rachel Duncan: she always does
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: She always does.
Rachel Duncan: Something I [00:12:00] learned in the trauma of money also is like when we feel threat or excitement, you know, either end of the spectrum of, of arousal, we only make decisions that help us in this present moment. So it's not necessarily bad decisions
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right, right.
Rachel Duncan: It's quite literally impossible for us to think in the future when we feel under pressure, when we feel under threat.
I, that's really the threat response and so I, I, I see that happening, especially when I'm talking like impulse spending. It's like, God, I just, it was in the moment. It made so much sense. And there is, there's absolute logic for that particular moment. And it's literally like when your brain is engaged in that way, like, we have to get this thing or we're gonna die.
I mean, I'm not saying
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: There's part of us that is actually feeling that kind of stimulation also, like it's only on sale
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: for this amount of time or limited whatever. You know, the scarcity tactics that are out there to on us, like you said, to make,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: decision of the purchase [00:13:00] or are stimulating a lot of our survival mechanisms.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: well then, yeah, I'm just gonna make this decision right now. And later on you could be like, God, why didn't I think of that? I didn't have 50 bucks to spend. It's like that part of your brain kinda goes offline. 'cause. Everything is actually in survival mode in that present moment,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right,
Rachel Duncan: I think to recognize, yeah, what does that feel like?
What does it feel like to kind of, I really think of it as like having the blinders on, you know, and
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right,
Rachel Duncan: kind of tunnel vision and to unpack that feeling so that, ah, okay. I feel that coming up again.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right.
Rachel Duncan: that moment of actually staying regulated and noticing the triggered reaction or whatever it is coming up.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right. I like to say that our best work can happen on those fringes, right? So like when we can notice that the dysregulation is happening and then make a conscious decision that is going to support us going back into the window of tolerance, that is when our best work is done. And when clients come back and they're like so proud of themselves because
they're telling me about this experience of walking into Target and they could notice that, you know, [00:14:00] they weren't really sure what their money situation was, and they noticed that they, you know, there was these like threatening spots, these discomforts coming up about like knowing that we need to go for, for milk and diapers.
But seeing the 800 things before we got to the milk and the diapers
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: and we made a choice to only get one or only get how many that that felt safe and secure to get.
Rachel Duncan: I love thinking
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: So,
Rachel Duncan: about that parking lot moment,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: yeah.
Rachel Duncan: How am I right now going into this place? You know, I also think of that acronym, halt. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Can I just check in for a minute? Like, do I literally just need a sandwich
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: you know, just that quiet moment. What place is my body in to enter into a place like Target that will have so many bids on my attention and my money,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: you know, kind of knowing, I think watching, oh, the documentary you mentioned is called The Century of the Self, and I will link to it below. It is required watching. I assign it to all of my clients. It's, and it's free on YouTube,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: [00:15:00] Mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: but you really realize you know, our shopping is not. It's not as personal as we think. How we are so manipulated
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: and I think a place like Target that really knows us so well, it's like, okay, I'm entering into a place where they will attempt to manipulate me. And so it really is that moment to kind of, I don't know, I don't mean armor up because it's not like a militaristic thing, but like a, it's a checking in and a centering.
Can I go into Target? Centered understanding, ah, there's, there's that bid, ah, look at that. Right. And to stay in that centered place, going into a place like Target where the bids are just going to be there.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right. Yeah. I mean, it comes down to as much as like most targets, not all targets. I'm learning that some targets do play music, but a lot of targets do not play music.
Rachel Duncan: Hmm. What do you think the difference is there? Like music or No, no music
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: I think it's distraction, right? So like what they have found is that they don't play [00:16:00] music and your attention is on the store and the things and the vibe and the, the, the culture and the pretty things and the displays and the stuff versus if I'm jamming to my favorite 1990s country hit like.
Even if it's for two minutes, my attention is in that song and I'm going to be cruising through the store, noticing the vibe, noticing the pretty things, but I'm not as engaged with the vibe and the pretty things. And so if we talk about like entering stores or entering a place where, you know, , their job is to sell you products.
Their job is not to like, just look pretty. They can't just look pretty without selling the products.
Rachel Duncan: Right. And they want you to meander around. I actually think also sometimes, and it might be why sometimes there's music and sometimes there isn't, and there probably is loads of science behind this. Uh,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Probably.
Rachel Duncan: listening and you know anything about this, write to me and let me know. 'cause I also think like, oh, if it, if, especially us millennials, right?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: something comes on from the nineties, we start to feel nostalgic and oh, there's. You know, [00:17:00] retro t-shirts, like it also puts you in the mode of maybe feeling nostalgic or picking that up. It can, it can change your mood a lot.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah. So when I made the decision to not allow anything else to have control of my money, that is the exact thing I'm talking about.
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: And, and are there times when I'm like, oh, shoot. Like that got a little wild. Yes.
Rachel Duncan: Yes. Mm-hmm.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: However, my ability to like, recognize it and like nurture that space that's like, I don't want the 1990s country hit to.
Bring about the nostalgia that makes me buy the, the, uh, remake of the Shania Twain t-shirt. You know, I, I want to be able to be in the market for Shania Twain t-shirt and buy, buy the t-shirt if I, if I want it. So you were talking about the threat responses, and I think I would really love to circle back around to that because in the fringes.
When those threats come in, even if those threats, to our system are as simple as like, [00:18:00] I don't really know what my money is doing right now. I don't know if my card is going to work. You know, it's just like these background worries or whatever, the, those are just like the, the internal threats happening.
Those internal threats are teaching us something or showing us something or trying to like inform us of something and when not dealt with, when not manage without being comforted, that's when we go to that hyper and hypo arousal places, and that is when our body is actually responding.
Only to threat. So once we've, once we've surpassed dysregulation, we're like, shut up voice, shut up everything. And we've gone to these spaces. What we've taught ourselves is that we can go to those spaces and it doesn't matter that we can still bulldoze through. And then future self has to like deal with the shame and the guilt and the yuck or whatever comes up from bulldozing.
And so when we talk about [00:19:00] that threat response. We're talking about the fight, flight, freeze fawn space. Well, when we're in that space, we're, our brain is offline. Like our logical brain space is offline and only our emotional brain is responding. And so you're right, like those, those dollar purchases or their, you know, the dollar spot or whatever purchases makes so much sense in that moment.
'cause they're soothing that, that spot that. You know that shutdown space?
Rachel Duncan: You're describing kind of the bulldozing, because then what happens with the bulldozing is then the path is clearer and clearer and easier to slide into like, oh, this is just what happens. This is just what happens.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: I, I have no control. And I know that like folks come to me just feeling like they've really lost trust in themselves because it's always happening like this
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: And it's, the pattern interrupt is just so crucial.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Great.
Rachel Duncan: just like one time just I want you to notice. Are you gonna pause even if you continue to go through with it
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right?
Rachel Duncan: It's just noticing [00:20:00] that little pause, you know, before going down that bulldozed path again,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: that starts to allow your brain to like, oh, there are different paths to go on. Not just the one that's been bulldozed the most.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Correct.
Rachel Duncan: thats an incredibly powerful moment. That's always
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: my most exciting. I love hearing this
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I think it's so important for us to notice even those micro moments where it's like my body, my brain, everything is telling me something.
Rachel Duncan: Mm-hmm.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: And
Rachel Duncan: Yeah,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: if we give it that comfort, if we give it that attention,
Rachel Duncan: yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: we get the option to choose.
Rachel Duncan: Do you have like a somatic awareness? I mean, and everyone's different, everyone experiences these things differently, but is there something you notice even like in yourself or in clients of like, how can we know that? Because I think something about hyper arousal, which is more like in the upper limits, can feel, Hey, I'm really sharp. I'm it, it can sometimes I think, trick us into feeling, I'm really on it, [00:21:00] but really you're in this kind of anxious space. I'm wondering if there's like, if there's some tells that you have noticed in yourself or that clients bring up that, how they can know they're in that space.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: so the first thing I would say to that is there is so much power in hindsight. So word that you said is clients will begin to not trust themselves,
Rachel Duncan: Mm-hmm.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Because this always happens. What always happens, and if, the always thing that happens is hyper arousal, like where we just get so hyped and excited about the thing with my, with my tiny people, I, I like to say like, we need to be careful with our sillies..
And that's kind of what's happening in our body, right? Is like, we're just so damn excited. We're just, just gonna do the thing. And so if we know that that's the thing that always happens, what we need to do is to be able to teach our nervous system to relax. And so it might look like pulling [00:22:00] into the parking lot and doing an inventory, of why am I here?
Rachel Duncan: Mm-hmm.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: What do I want this experience to feel like,
Rachel Duncan: Mm-hmm.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: you know? What does my heart feel like? And do hand to chest, hand to belly, and just breathe. What does my chest feel like? Because I notice that a lot of times there's like tightening of the chest, like heavy, heavy sighs, like overwhelm, that begin to happen. But that's usually part of the bulldozing, right?
So like, why am I here?
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Why am I here? And that being one of like, one of our really big questions in this particular target parking lot scenario. But,
Rachel Duncan: yeah. What's the best possible outcome
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: yeah, great question. Yeah,
Rachel Duncan: Yeah. Where, where's my body in space? Am I hungry?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: yeah,
Rachel Duncan: You know, and I ask my
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: exactly.
Rachel Duncan: clients a lot, like, what's, what's the want beneath the want?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: have I just had a difficult conversation and I'm, I am here for some retail therapy,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right,
Rachel Duncan: and that, that's such an important just [00:23:00] signal, right?
No shame.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right,
Rachel Duncan: yeah, right now you're turning your attention inward instead of outsourcing it to that company
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right.
Rachel Duncan: To falsely deliver to you.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: It's such an important moment. Oh my gosh, yes. I'm like experiencing this percolate moment right now. I hope for anyone who's listening right now can take some of these scripts, right the next time you are. I mean, we have to buy things, right?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: I have to buy things.
Rachel Duncan: Its how we get by in the world, right? And whether it's a physical place, like a parking lot or opening a certain app where you purchase if, if your goals are to spend less. Do you see how like Stacy and I have not talked about budgeting apps or spreadsheets or getting organized or willpower.
It's truly those things are fine and they're tools, but the heart of it is this. It's this moment of pausing and checking in with yourself always.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Well, and those, those tools are important. You know, in that those tools are going to be the things that help your brain get back into the logical brain space to [00:24:00] be able to access concrete things
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: when I can know, because I've budgeted that I have a hundred dollars that I can spend in this trip, it takes a lot of the initial threat away from the trip.
Rachel Duncan: Mm-hmm.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: And then when I spend within that a hundred dollars, because that's the money that I have to spend, the pride that gets to replace the shame.
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Like, so those tools are, are important. They're just not the first steps, you know,
Rachel Duncan: And
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: even close.
Rachel Duncan: that that parking lot moment is all of these body check-ins, self check-ins, and checking with your budget, right.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right?
Rachel Duncan: For this to be tied in with this financial self-care. Where am I at with my grocery budget? You know, is this something that can wait a couple days, right?
Or whatever it
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: Um, it, it can be tied into that whole check-in
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah,
Rachel Duncan: with yourself. Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: What I love about this, and I just realized that I'm from Montana, right? And so like, [00:25:00] we don't have super target. So like as you're talking, like we don't, we don't grocery shop at Target. If we, if we are grocery shopping at Target, I mean we have Walmart, we have Super Walmart, you know, that has both sides.
But walmart doesn't get the same like wrap, you know, because they don't have the same vibe. They don't have the same like self-soothing, like come here and feel good and walk around with your girlfriend's vibe.
Rachel Duncan: It doesn't, yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: we don't shop groceries here.
Rachel Duncan: That's really interesting. And I think, yeah, I think any of these shops, any, you know, I'll lump Amazon into this as well, right?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yes.
Rachel Duncan: You go for one thing and you leave, leave with something totally different when it's all combined. I do think it's an extra layer of, you know, I think. At least having the compartment.
When you go to a flower shop, you're only buying flowers
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: you know you're not buying
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: a sweater. It is tough with these shops that kind of like offer you everything. So, yeah. Well, Stacy, you'll just have to come down to Denver sometime and see some big box target shops.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: man. I've been to a few and I [00:26:00] get why the feeling's even bigger, you know? I mean, people probably do it at Walmart here, but it, the vibe is different. So the conversations that I have clients that are local, when they're in the target parking lot, they're not there for, for probably milk, we have milk
Rachel Duncan: They are there for a cute outfit
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: maybe, or they're there to walk around with our girlfriends and get a Starbucks.
Rachel Duncan: and get some cute mugs
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah, exactly.
Rachel Duncan: cheap jewelry or whatever. Yeah, no, exactly. And I also wanna say like, and that's okay. Like I know
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Oh yeah,
Rachel Duncan: right, neither of us are saying
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: dude, I love it. I still love walking around target. I just wanna be an aware, conscious consumer and I want my clients to also feel that.
Rachel Duncan: exactly. It's that regret
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: It's the I wanna go and feel like I am the steward of my money.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: I am protecting it, you know, I did. I feel like in this whole process with me and my money healing over the last 10 years, I've just become more and more protective of it in, in a way that like, I don't know, that feels like more mature or [00:27:00] like apparent.
Right? And kind of my default is no, like something has to be pretty compelling to me to buy it. It's taken a long time to get there and it's not always sure. I do,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: Certainly the impulsive stuff comes up, but oof the feeling of empowerment. Like you said, it teaches you a whole new thing where like, oh, the positive effects.
It's like you're reconditioning yourself. Right. Like it feels so good to really say, this is what I'm spending on and I have limits or, and because I'm now trusting myself
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: you know, and then, oh wow. And there's actually somewhere left in the account by the end of the month, or I am now more comfortable holding onto more money because my number one priority is stewarding it
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yes. One of the slogans of Trauma of Money, and I think Chantel even has it like big and like neon behind her, is you can be trusted with money. And that is the thing that I feel like I want all of my clients to be able to know is that they can trust themselves with money. That they can be those [00:28:00] stewards, that they have a capacity to feel safe and feel secure and to not have money, have power and negativity and,
be, I guess, synonymous or related to like the collapse or the overwhelm or the too excited of a, of a body. I call it my golden retriever energy, that that just gets so excited, you know, that whatever it is isn't going to be able to dictate my money, that I am still all me and that I can be trusted with those dollars.
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: So I think that's the whole point in, in having a regulated nervous system and being able to approach shopping or approach like big money decisions or small money decisions or micro money decisions with awareness.
Rachel Duncan: And also this like regulated place is the, what is it called? The tend and befriend, the learn place.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: we don't learn when we're dysregulated very well. We don't, I mean [00:29:00] we might learn like a trauma reaction, but that's about it. Like when we're in this a more regulated place, we feel safe. We can think more flexibly, we can think in nuance, we can see things from multiple angles.
We can take our time. It's also a place like where socially we feel safe with each other people read us as a safer person when we are in this
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: place. And so we remind clients a lot 'cause there's a little graphic the tom, the trauma of money sort of graphic and that this, this window of regulation is. This is where we wanna be, not only to make money decisions, but also to learn about money, right? To find your own path to reach out, right? This is the best place for you to reach out and be reached to a
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: mm-hmm.
Rachel Duncan: And, and understand though that like we all get into hypo and hyper arousal, that's not a bad thing.
Like, it's not like the goal, like always be in this window of tolerance all the time.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right.
Rachel Duncan: all three of these states happen like necessarily
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yes.
Rachel Duncan: throughout our day. But the more we really dial into the experience of [00:30:00] this, of being in a more regulated place, the easier it is to get back there. It's like a, just a muscle that can be strengthened. So that's why like, I think you and I are both saying like, regulate first then, then approach the money thing or learn the money thing.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Right,
Rachel Duncan: and if any of anyone who's listening has. like they've lost the thread on trusting themselves. You also don't have to do it alone, right?
This is why
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right,
Rachel Duncan: there's only a few of us, uh, certified financial
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: right.
Rachel Duncan: therapists out there, but we're out there
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yes.
Rachel Duncan: we can, we can help you find that, that core bit of you. Again,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: Actually Stacy, could you share a little bit about your work and what you have going on,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah. First, can I share a word that rocks my socks?
Rachel Duncan: please?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: The word is called pendulation, where we can like go to these spaces and we can come back in and we can move out to hyper and hyper arousal and we can move back in. And so when like the listeners are like, Ugh, I know, but I always do that and that's just the way I am.
It's like. Maybe, but like the goal is [00:31:00] pendulation. Like we're gonna be able to like move throughout each one of these states and we're gonna be okay that we are moving back to that core self. So you're right, like, uh, exclamation point, like the goal is not to always be regulated. No human can exist and nor do we want you to because our survival like expects us to be able to.
Have our threat responses work appropriately. So, yeah so we just don't want them to happen at unnecessary times. So
Rachel Duncan: pendulation everyone, use it in a future email.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah,
Rachel Duncan: what a great word. I didn't know that was a word. I love it
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: it's a great word.
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: It just rocks my socks. And I think it's just such a powerful word to think about because,
Rachel Duncan: Yeah.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: My grandma had like this grandfather clock that my grandpa built, and that's what I think about every time.
You know, like the pendulum just swings and it swings, it just keeps going. And time keeps moving. And like, that's what our bodies are going to do too. We're gonna swing one way and we're gonna swing the other way and we're gonna. You know, our goal is to just be able to get ourselves to not swing [00:32:00] so hard, so fast.
And it really can allow us to feel, you know, more secure within our bodies to, to know that we can be trusted.
Rachel Duncan: everyone's different
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: yeah.
Rachel Duncan: about how they get there.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Oh, for sure.
Rachel Duncan: of self knowing, right? What works for me? And, but one of the things
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: is, you know, when we are with people we feel safe with, we, it tends to get us back for, into this middle, more middle place. When we are with, with people like healing relationships, positive relationships tend to be a good, a good way to get there.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: For sure. And as far as like the few of us as financial therapists, like knowing that like best fit is important, you know, like not like I'm not gonna be the best fit for everyone and you're not gonna be the best fit for everyone that we have. What I feel like is a very small army of, of very qualified, really cool individuals, to help.
So I offer individual financial therapy as well as group financial therapy. And I think, you know, my approach might not strike a chord with everyone, and that's why I [00:33:00] love getting to know you and like all of our other colleagues that are literally writing the books and, and creating the space for this work.
Rachel Duncan: That's great. And
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: hmm.
Rachel Duncan: where can folks find you, Stacy?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah, so you can find me. My social medias are, you know, slow. They don't do much, but they exist. Um, so, uh, River Bend Financial Therapy on either Instagram or Facebook. You can find me on LinkedIn under my name Stacy Peterson. As well as, just my website, riverbendfinancialtherapy.com.
And you can see the upcoming groups, and it'll always be accurate there. That's usually the first place I change them as online. So you can look up group offerings or connect with me for individual financial therapy.
Rachel Duncan: This is fantastic. I'll put all the links in the show notes.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah.
Rachel Duncan: Stacy, I want to end this great talk with the question I ask most of my guests, which is, if you were to take that centered moment right now picture your money as a creature what is the first thing that comes to [00:34:00] mind?
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: So, have you seen the movie If?
Rachel Duncan: Yeah,
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Okay, when we've talked about this before and like when I, I, I don't know when I have this like, like felt sense. It's the picture is always blue. The big furry purple guy named blue, and he is really quirky and kind of all over the place and really just wants people to love him and really just wants like to find his, his friend again.
He's the imaginary friend of a guy and he tries to get reattached to a different person and he just tries. And he tries, but he's just big and purple and fluffy and warm and loving. Yeah, and that's just the thing that comes up every time. I don't know why, but
Rachel Duncan: Sounds like a very warm relationship you have with your money, and I think your money is lucky to be attached to you
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Aw, thanks.
Rachel Duncan: taking very good care of it. Well, that's so [00:35:00] great. Stacy. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Stacy Peterson, LCPC, CFT: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.
Rachel Duncan: Thanks for listening to the Money Healing Club podcast. You can find resources, links, everything from this episode in the show notes below, or at moneyhealingclub.com/podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, you probably really love my free email course on curbing impulse spending with compassion and mindfulness, you can check it out moneyhealingclub.com/challenge.
Do you have a question or a topic about financial therapy or about just living in this life with money? I'd love to get your voicemail to be featured on a future episode of the podcast. Check it out at moneyhealingclub.com/podcast. You'll see a big orange button there where you can record from any device you're on.
You can also be anonymous. We are in this together and I really appreciate it. See you next time.

Rachel Duncan