S2 E23:👕 How to curate a wardrobe and stop impulse spending on clothes w/ stylist Kyla Brown
EPISODE SUMMARY
Does clothing hold a special place in your heart and wallet? Rachel explores the deeply emotional relationship between clothing, identity, and impulse spending with stylist Kyla Brown. This conversation goes beyond fashion tips to examine how our wardrobe choices reflect our inner journey of self-acceptance, belonging, and the difference between shopping for who we are versus who we fantasize being. Kyla shares her essential wardrobe checklist and transforms how you think about curating versus consuming.
💬 "Shopping is the act of: I'm just out here looking for things to buy. Curating is saying 'I'm building a collection of things that are going to serve me in some way, shape, or form'. When you shift it from being a pastime to a project, that's when you're curating." - Kyla Brown
About our Guest:
Guest info: Kyla Brown (it's Kyla not Kayla!) is a style coach who helps brilliant women create brilliant closets. She believes your style is an opportunity to integrate your whole self and works with clients to discover their authentic expression through intentional wardrobe curation.
Take the Style Archetype Quiz: https://www.itskylanotkayla.com/quiz
https://www.instagram.com/itskylanotkayla/
Key takeaways from the episode:
• Impulse spending on clothes often stems from looking to external items to tell us who we are, rather than making empowered choices form the inside-out
• Body acceptance is foundational to building a wardrobe that actually works for you, not a fantasy version of yourself
• Fast fashion has made clothing shopping about impulse and accessibility rather than functionality and intentionality
• Shopping should be approached as a project requiring research, not a pastime or emotional outlet
• It's empowering to leave stores empty-handed—practicing consent with your spending builds integrity with yourself: Repeat after me: "It's not in my plan to buy something today"
⏰ EPISODE BREAKDOWN
The Psychology Behind Clothing Impulse Spending [00:05:48 - 00:18:00] Rachel and Kyla explore why clothing is the most common impulse purchase category, examining how fast fashion, daily dressing habits, and identity formation create the perfect storm for emotional spending.
Fantasy Self vs. Authentic Self [00:15:25 - 00:20:37] Buying for who you wish you were versus who you actually are.
Body Acceptance and Wardrobe Building [00:18:39 - 00:21:06] Rachel shares her personal journey of moving from rejecting her changing body to embracing her hourglass shape, and how this acceptance led to better clothing choices that actually flatter her.
From Shopping to Curating [00:24:47 - 00:29:17] Kyla reframes the approach to acquiring clothes, moving from impulsive shopping sprees to intentional curation projects, including practical scripts for leaving stores without buying.
📚 Resources Mentioned
• Kyla's Essential Wardrobe Checklist: https://www.itskylanotkayla.com/closet-essentials-checklist
• Kyla's AI Styling Tool - personalized styling guidance bot trained on Kyla's expertise
• ThredUp - online thrift store for sustainable fashion finds: Get 45% off + free shipping on your first order: https://www.thredup.com/r/F6W8KE
• Rent the Runway/Nuuly - clothing rental services for special occasions
• Studio Ghibli soot sprites - Kyla's money creature visualization
💬 Join the Conversation
How do you approach shopping for clothes? Is it impulsive or a curation? Click on the big orange button on our site right from your phone or browser and let me know [specific question related to episode] https://www.moneyhealingclub.com/podcast
🎧 Your next listen:
S2 E20: 🧠When Your Brain Loves the Hunt: ADHD & Money (Collab with Everyone's Talkin' Money)
💫 Use code PODCAST for 50% off your first month and start your money healing process!
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[00:00:00] Kyla: shopping is the act of like, oh, I'm just out here looking for things to buy.
[00:00:03] Rachel: Yeah. Okay.
[00:00:04] Kyla: Curating is saying I'm building a collection of things that are going to serve me in some way, shape, or form. So when you look at clothing shopping as a pastime, you fall a lot faster into impulse spending
[00:00:20] Rachel: Mm-hmm.
[00:00:20] Kyla: up spending money. But the money that you're spending does not feel fulfilling in the long run. Whereas if you shift it from being a pastime to a project, that's when you're now curating
[00:00:33] should be a project. It should require a little research. It should require looking around at different places. You do not need to buy just because you walked in a store. It is okay to walk into a store, look at things, touch things, try something on and leave without buying anything.
[00:00:48]
[00:00:51] Hey, money healers. Welcome to the Money Healing Club podcast. I'm Rachel Duncan, your host. I'm a financial therapist and art therapist, and I founded the Money Healing Club. You've come to the softest place to land in personal finance where we talk about all the things we don't usually say when we talk about money.
[00:01:06] This podcast is for education and entertainment purposes only. For help with your particular situation, please seek help from a licensed mental health tax, legal, or finance professional. So when it comes to spending. Does the category of clothes have a special place in your heart and wallet? I know it does for me.
[00:01:25] Your clothes might relate to your body, your career, your uniqueness, your belonging, your identity, as well as an impulse spending category, all of its own. It's deeply emotional, isn't it? This topic comes up all the time with Money Healing Club members and my financial therapy clients.
[00:01:42] So it's time to really explore our relationship with clothing. Today on the podcast. I have a great conversation with Kyla Brown. Kyla not Kayla is a style coach who helps brilliant women create brilliant closets. I personally have worked with Kyla to help identify the best items for my body type and my career and my identity, and I just had to bring her on the podcast because the way she talks about clothing and how we curate our wardrobe is so aligned with how I talk about money.
[00:02:13] She's so intentional in her work and she believes that your style is an opportunity to integrate your whole self. As we come into a change of season, if you find that clothing is not only a big part of your spending, but also a very emotional thing, you're gonna love this conversation I have with Kyla.
[00:02:28] We talk about the the big concept stuff, all the way down to nitty gritty of how to build a personal style with values-based spending. Listen up for her list of essential items for your wardrobe. It's a great list. Enjoy my talk with Kyla Brown.
[00:02:44]
[00:02:48] Kyla: Um, getting clear on what you want and what that requires of you and redefining what investment means on an energetic level. Um, one thing I mentioned in that piece of content I sent you was that, you know. It you, you inve anything that requires like your time, your energy, your money is a level of investment that you're hoping to get some return from.
[00:03:11] The return, it may not be monetary, but having the understanding that monetary returns aren't the only returns you're looking for in this life,
[00:03:20] Rachel: yeah.
[00:03:21] Kyla: and sometimes they end up being a byproduct of making a change, but sometimes they're not. The only thing you're looking for.
[00:03:28] Rachel: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:28] Kyla: and when you look at it that way, it's easier to start thinking about curating and what success is for you and what it is you're looking for.
[00:03:35] So
[00:03:35] Rachel: Welcome to the podcast, Kyla. Um, I wanna start by showing you the result of our work together.
[00:03:42] You advised me on the kind of jean jacket I should buy based on my body type, which I had never considered before. And because I'm an hourglass, you recommend that I get a jean jacket that fits at the uh, And I'm a thrifter though, so I scoured a thread up. Like props to thread up.
[00:04:02] If anyone, I'll put my link in the, in the show is love a thread up and just having the guidance of finding a piece of clothing that suits my body, like I will never take this off. It fits me perfectly. And I have to say, if I hadn't talked with you, I would've gotten some oversized thing. And um, so anyway, I just wanted to share those of you on video can see my great little stonewashed thrifted, uh, jean jacket that kind of elevates every outfit.
[00:04:26] So thank you for that wonderful guidance.
[00:04:29] Kyla: no problem. And I'm obsessed with it. I love it. It's definitely a great fit on you and I, I love that you took that action step because you would be shocked, like one or two items will completely
[00:04:41] Rachel: Yeah,
[00:04:41] Kyla: closet.
[00:04:42] Rachel: yeah,
[00:04:43] Kyla: don't need to start from scratch. You're just, most people just have some gaps.
[00:04:48] Rachel: yeah. That was it. I had some gaps and then I was like, well, I've got these jeans, but I don't feel good in them. And you were like, then don't wear them. I'm like, oh, thank God. I.
[00:04:57] Kyla: Yes.
[00:04:58] Rachel: It's like permission slip,
[00:05:00] Kyla: I had that conversation yesterday with a client. She was like, yeah, it's just like, it's tight on my arms and I don't like it. And I'm like, so why are
[00:05:07] Rachel: do not.
[00:05:08] Kyla: up real estate?
[00:05:09] Rachel: That is okay. That ain't for your body or it ain't for your body anymore, right? I mean, I'm a woman in my forties what fit me, 10 years ago. Absolutely doesn't. And so like, why would I need that? It's fine. Like, move on.
[00:05:21] So I have loved taking the little, we've had a whole conversation on the dms and we're taking it now, uh, here.
[00:05:28] Live in a conversation and 'cause you had created some, well, you create great content. Everyone followed Kyla on Instagram.
[00:05:34] But about like, about clothing and success and what that means for you, what investing in your wardrobe actually means. And we have had some deep conversations about this because Kyla has helped me with some styling.
[00:05:48] Um, but it opened up such a great conversation. And I will say, because I, it think with a lot of the folks in the club and who I work with, it is the clothing is probably the most common type of impulse buying. So I'm wondering if we can start from the beginning of like, why, why do you think that is? Why, why is the clothing is sort of the thing that is really hard to have willpower about and um, is just so emotional.
[00:06:12] Kyla: Yes. Wow. That's a very good question.
[00:06:14] Rachel: I.
[00:06:15] Kyla: I think it's a, a twofold, I think that first things first, we have the problematic industry that is fast fashion, that makes it extremely accessible to the point where it's becoming. Um, much more about impulse purchasing than it is about functionality.
[00:06:35] Like, do you actually need these pieces? then also on a personal level, we. Get dressed every day. It is our one habit that we like really like have to do or at least should do on a daily basis. And because of that, when we are looking for comfort, when we are looking for change, when we are looking for, The question of like, who am I? Your clothes are a major part of that, whether you're fully aware of it or not. so the, I think that when it comes to like that impulse buying of like, Hey, I went to Marshalls and I found a thing and I bought the thing and I'm wearing it one time and maybe I'll wear it again.
[00:07:18] I don't know. Um, that kind of comes from looking at to a clothing item or anything external to us and expecting it to tell us. Who we are or that we're allowed to feel better or that, you know, we deserve happiness versus us letting ourselves know that and then making decisions from that empowered place.
[00:07:41] Rachel: You're talking about inside out instead of outside in approach. I don't know what you're talking about. That is like, that's my whole mantra, you know? That's so true. And so much goes on. With our clothing, we are signaling personality, interests and also subconsciously class, you know, there's so much about our identity, like, hey, I've got a boho look because like boho people are my people.
[00:08:03] Like, that is a look. I'm, I'm like, yeah, I'm can be a little conscious about that. I live in Colorado, right? There's a certain dress code, like is this the most Colorado thing you've ever seen? It totally is like, this suits my culture. It works.
[00:08:18] I'm a therapist, so I wear statement earrings. Let's get real right.
[00:08:23] And I think that's okay to be honest about, right? That like, okay, yes, I'm, I'm in this life with the people around me and I want to be part of my group. That's all we want is to be part of our group. And so it is a uniform in terms of fitting in. But then don't we have this funny rub? But then I also wanna be different, but I wanna be different like everyone else.
[00:08:43] I don't know, like, does that come up for you? I know. Aren't we funny?
[00:08:49] Kyla: I think that is. So spot on, like, I'm actually laughing at myself too, because I'm looking very New York
[00:08:55] Rachel: You are looking, are you in New York right now? Yeah.
[00:08:58] Kyla: York right now. And it's so funny because when I am traveling to the Caribbean, which I spend some
[00:09:04] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:09:05] Kyla: lucky enough to have family there. Um, when I am there, I tend to be very brightly colored. Um, not as sleek, much more like, you know, laid back. Whereas when I get to New York, that's my excuse to be sleek and, and, and. Sophisticated in my style again. And there's nothing wrong with that. There is actually something beautiful to that belonging because that is a bit more of an out, um, an inside out approach to your style. Um, it's saying like, this is where I fit in or where a desire to fit in. Like, I mean, you're gonna show up to your office dressed appropriately, you're going to go to the beach. Dressed appropriately. So there's a function to it. at the same time though, I do tell people that there is gonna come a point in your life where belonging shifts and changes. Um, you might start off being, you know, like a junior entry level at work, right? And then. Move up to a place where you're now managing people and you're a leader now. And it's not to say that you must look better than everybody else because you're in charge, it's more so because of you being a leader.
[00:10:19] People are the type of connection people are looking to form with you is that of inspiration, not relatability.
[00:10:27] Rachel: Okay, hang on. Can you say that again? I'm gonna back up.
[00:10:30] Kyla: of inspiration not relatability,
[00:10:34] Rachel: Hi. I'm just one of you guys. I I am holding the space of, of leadership, of direction, of things like that. I. And I feel like, I know you work with a lot of women, not exclusively, but a lot of women. I think that's a, that, that's part of the stretch I could imagine for myself.
[00:10:49] Like, oh, I just wanna be one of the people, but I'm also in charge. And like, kind of trying to have your foot in both rooms and, and that's tricky. How do you help someone who is, you know, advancing their career? Let's. Let's take an example of someone who is maybe in an industry where they are applying for a promotion or could see like a, an upper trajectory there, and they're concerned that like, oh, I still like dress like I did in college, or something like that.
[00:11:14] Like how, how do you help them elevate that look in an appropriate way that will actually help their career growth?
[00:11:21] Kyla: Oh, that's a great question. I think that the key there for anybody who's looking, who recognizes that their next step, their next level requires visibility, is getting clear about. it means for you to look great every day. And some people when I say that, they roll their eyes and they're like, look great every day.
[00:11:39] That's not realistic. And I'm like, it very well could be. But you, you get to define what looking great for yourself is. So just like anything else in life, set a standard around it that's based off your values and give yourself boundaries around what that means. Like of course you have the boundary of like, you can't be in the mirror for three hours every morning. but at the same time, looking put together, making sure you always have a little extra accessory on like a belt, an earring, something to just really look elevated. And the reason I say that is tying back to that point on inspiration, over relatability. You're going to lower morale if you're coming in, dressing how you feel for the day if you show up to work. Sometimes it's not to say don't have the work-life balance, but if you're showing up to work and whether or not move forward based or just based off of what your mood was that morning. You know, that is not a way to be successful at all. So take that same understanding with the way we get dressed in the morning.
[00:12:47] Of course, dress for your comfort letter level. We're women, we have cycles, things shift and change. So comfort is okay, but saying that I don't feel like it, so I'm just gonna show up with whatever leggings, big T-shirt combination. I can pull out my wardrobe first,
[00:13:04] Rachel: The, the Millennial Curse of Leggings and Big T-shirt
[00:13:09] Kyla: I I, it is my life's mission to save us all from that curse. Please.
[00:13:14] Rachel: it.
[00:13:14] Kyla: Please. And it's, and you know what's crazy is you don't really want to dress that way. You don't,
[00:13:22] Rachel: And if you think about, would you want your manager to be dressed? Like, how does that impact there's, There's hitting this sweet spot of having slightly elevated but not obnoxious or, you know, hitting that place and also still having some personality, I mean.
[00:13:35] Kyla: Yes.
[00:13:36] Rachel: that
[00:13:37] a fan of kind of like capsule wardrobe? I'm curious.
[00:13:40] Kyla: I am a huge fan of capsule
[00:13:42] Rachel: Okay.
[00:13:43] Kyla: one of my number one, um. Offers out there is my, I'm literally looking at it because it's sitting on my desk right here. It's my closet essentials checklist
[00:13:52] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:13:52] Kyla: I say that every person, regardless of how they identify in their style, whether they feel like they're boho or they feel like they're preppy, should have these items in their wardrobe.
[00:14:01] And that's a good pair of, um, jeans that works for you. Like we talked about, um, having a great clean white t-shirt,
[00:14:10] Rachel: I still don't have
[00:14:12] Kyla: It's, it's okay. It's a, it's a journey. It's a
[00:14:15] Rachel: someone help me find a white T-shirt. Okay.
[00:14:18] Kyla: you're, you're still curating. It's okay. And I feel like, you know, having those items is what makes looking great. And again, like you said, it's not about being obnoxious. It's not like you have to be like pantsuit and blazers when people show up to your, um. Office wearing like jeans, like you don't have to do that. But there is a difference between showing up in a pair of jeans and a college t-shirt versus showing up in a pair of jeans and a great blouse. And it takes just as much energy to show up in both of those, um, things, um, both of those items. But at the same time, the way that you shift the energy around you with those items is completely different.
[00:14:59] Rachel: It's that intentionality, right? It is intentional. I intentionally chose these earings, you know, it's, it, it is a little bit of, of, of mindfulness and I think this. What we were talking about earlier about inside out versus outside in. Right. That's gonna help us not get sucked into trends. Um, right. Or like our hopping on all the fast fashion stuff that this's really the, the, the constant newness, um, and all that.
[00:15:25] I mean, I love new things, but there is something about clothing that really speaks to like our fantasy self. And that's something we talk about a lot in the club. Are we buying that for you or for your fantasy self? You know, I remember talking to someone who, you know, would buy a lot of dresses because they look beautiful, right?
[00:15:42] Look, love the style, love the look, and, and the, we identify, there's a fantasy version of
[00:15:48] Kyla: Yes.
[00:15:49] Rachel: didn't, never wore them. She didn't actually wear dresses, but, oh, there's a version of myself that wears these dresses and goes to the beach or whatever, you know, and, and, and we kind of identified maybe a little bit of grief that actually the person you are is different.
[00:16:02] And that that's okay. So this actually comes to like self-acceptance and it's not about downgrading. It's like, you know, it's really your life, you know? And if you have a lot of stuff in the closet you're not wearing, I would just very lovingly ask, did you buy that for a fantasy self? Not for you.
[00:16:20] Kyla: I love that you, you call it the fantasy self as well, because. I do think that there's one thing towards like, you know, just for the job you want, you know, like, and you're maybe not fully there yet, you're trying to show up there as a means of getting there. And that is one thing, but fantasy self is, you know, this isn't your lifestyle. You don't, you're not making, taking the efforts to make it your lifestyle. the near future, anytime soon. It's just something to give you that dopamine hit. 'cause you saw it, it made you happy, and now you wanna leave with it so you can have ownership over it. as a stylist, see things I like all the time and never buy.
[00:17:00] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:17:01] Kyla: like, wow, that's really great. it moving and don't allow myself to shop for hits and said, shop for what I need and my lifestyle and like where I am going. Because I know that where I'm going, I'm actively working on, um, yeah. But you know, while I would love to, um, you know, be on vacation every day, having a wardrobe for that is not, it's not where I'm going. Um, and that, I think that the, that happens, I notice that that is when you don't fully, trying to find a very. way of saying this, but it is what it is. You don't fully know yourself
[00:17:48] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:17:48] Kyla: yet, and you're trying to dress for what you think it should be or what you wish it was, versus like really getting to know where you are now and then making, action based off of that.
[00:18:01] Rachel: You know, and it makes me think actually what really helped me in our session is to identify the body type I have. And now we're talking at a very deep level of body acceptance
[00:18:11] Kyla: Yes.
[00:18:12] Rachel: to maybe not have a fantasy body. Right? Can we accept the body that we have? 'cause actually, when we do that, I. Uh, when we can, and this is hard work.
[00:18:21] I'm not saying it's like a snap of the fingers, but accepting and understanding the body you have can, well on a practical level, lead you to clothing choices that will actually suit you and, you know, look better. Um, and, and it really. It really can be part of this inner journey of this is the body I have.
[00:18:39] You know, and I've gone through this a lot, like being in my late forties now, um, you know, and had two children and whatever, all life, you know, I am the heaviest I've ever been. Right now, I've also never felt as good and embodied as I do right now. So I really spent the first 30 years of my life being a very thin person, like just genetically very thin.
[00:18:56] And I think there's been this shift of, of. You know me, me buying clothing or, or presenting myself as this, like this very thin. Young woman. I'm like, well, I'm, I'm, I am a, I'm a 45-year-old woman with a bit of a mombo. And to, instead of rejecting that, to actually accept that, like I would've never chosen a jacket with a short waist because I would, oh, I gotta, I gotta hide this rump.
[00:19:22] That was my, my feeling. And, but Oh, wow. No, no, no. That actually like actually having the short waist. Balances my body and it looks better, and then I can like embrace the rump. So I just wanna show like, that was, that's been a bit of my own journey in that in terms of body acceptance. Yeah. Hourglass, everyone.
[00:19:38] Hour glass. Yes, we have rumps, you guys, it's okay to have bottoms. It's all right.
[00:19:45] Kyla: Yes. And it's so funny that you say that because I mean, we all grew up with something telling us there's something incorrect about us, and that is oftentimes where the fantasy self is
[00:20:01] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:20:01] Kyla: body is rooted, is in I am not enough,
[00:20:04] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:20:05] Kyla: that is why I need to. Buy these things.
[00:20:08] Um, do these unhealthy habits so that I can try my best to like just get there or, or feel
[00:20:15] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:20:15] Kyla: even a minute. And then you end up having a closet full of things that don't even really fit you,
[00:20:21] Rachel: Mm-hmm.
[00:20:21] Kyla: make the whole situation even worse because instead of just getting to know you, you're, you're becoming anti
[00:20:29] Rachel: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[00:20:30] Kyla: you realize it or
[00:20:31] Rachel: Right. This is a right this, this isn't even my closet. Where then, who am I? Right? It's.
[00:20:37] Kyla: this?
[00:20:37] Rachel: Who is this? And yeah, it's, I just, I know I'm like a deep thinker and deep feeler about all this stuff, but it is such a personal and, and intense inner journey I think, to think about your style, right?
[00:20:49] This, even though we're putting it on the outside, it, this is not just outside stuff. This is actually deeply rooted stuff and, and why actually having like a really wonderful, compassionate guide and having this relationship, I. Can be very healing. Um, and I know just even in our one session, it was very healing for me.
[00:21:06] Um, I'm wondering, I would actually love to talk a little bit of tips and tricks, if that's okay. Like you talk about your cl, your essentials checklist, and, and I know this, I mean, are we kinda gearing this to, you know, women presenting people or, you know, do you work with
[00:21:22] presenting people too? I'm not sure.
[00:21:24] Kyla: Um, I work with women
[00:21:27] Rachel: Mm-hmm.
[00:21:27] Kyla: work with my fems and I do have men who cite in my dms from time to time, and they're like, so what about me? And I'm like, yes, I have. Um, and if you are a man out there or male presenting and you are interested in being styled, feel free to DM me. I have a list of folks that I share with
[00:21:45] Rachel: Okay.
[00:21:46] Kyla: Um, but it, it really is in my heart to work. With women, I really, really deeply enjoy the process of helping them find themselves, um, discover themselves because there are very few. Spaces for us to do that on an intimate, personal, personal level. We oftentimes do that in community and I think that is great and we should continue to do that.
[00:22:15] But sometimes there's a level to it where a woman just has to decide like, who am I gonna be? I do wanna stand out a bit. Yes, I belong, but I do wanna stand out a bit and like, what does that mean for me? And I hold your hand and we walk through that process
[00:22:29] Rachel: Belong and stand out. Right. That is what we're all searching for all the time. I think you can, yes.
[00:22:36] Kyla: you can.
[00:22:37] You totally can. And I think that it's really about curating for yourself, um, what your world is gonna look like. And that is in your closet, that is in your home, that's in your friendships and relationships, curating your experiences. That's even with the, the food you eat. That's even with, you know. And we get to build our own universes. And I think that women did not have the opportunity to do that for a very long
[00:23:08] Rachel: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:23:09] Kyla: And we are one of the first generations to fully get to do that now. And as we're doing it, we can see that there are very, um, angry bitter people who don't want us to have that and are trying to take it away.
[00:23:22] But it's too late now.
[00:23:23] Rachel: No
[00:23:24] Kyla: we're
[00:23:25] Rachel: Often when I'm working with folks I. That whose number one issue is impulse spending. The, the answer is not spend less. Like that just doesn't work. And that's probably been all the advice they've had because, you know, folks who impulse spend, especially if that thing they tend to impulse buy is, is clothing, cosmetics, things like that.
[00:23:43] They likely have. Great taste and a love of beauty. Like these are wonderful things to honor and that ain't gonna stop. Like that would be really sad to stop that. And that's why the idea of spending less, it feels so crappy is 'cause like, well this is such a big part of me, I love beauty. Or you know, it's important for me to present myself.
[00:24:01] And so I like to, to gradually shift into curation, 'cause curation.
[00:24:08] It involves a yes, but it involves a lot of nos like that carefully. There's a lot of things you're not choosing when you are curating your wardrobe, your look, you know, whatever it is, and that it's careful and that like, yes, this is the yes, my yes is really clear and that meant I needed to say no to a lot of things and it's a slowing down.
[00:24:27] You think about like museum curator that is a slow, careful, excellent job. That is actually when we can shift a little more into that. Take some breaths with this fast fashion rewear, things that are years old, and be really good with that. You know, because they were curated. I just, it's like my favorite word.
[00:24:47] I just love it. That word. I think it really speaks to this shift of like still loving beauty.
[00:24:52] Kyla: it does. And I think it also reframes shopping, especially as we know it here in, you know, the
[00:25:00] Rachel: Mm-hmm.
[00:25:01] Kyla: Canada, wherever you are. we see shopping. We were marketed that shopping is like a spree
[00:25:08] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:25:08] Kyla: you drop. Um, you know, this thing that just brings joy, especially for women and femmes.
[00:25:14] We're just supposed to love, love, love shopping and um, shopping. It is not really the best way to approach clothes. Curating is shopping is the act of like, oh, I'm just out here looking for things to buy.
[00:25:30] Rachel: Yeah. Okay.
[00:25:30] Kyla: Curating is saying I'm building a collection of things that are going to serve me in some way, shape, or form. So when you look at clothing shopping as a pastime, you fall a lot faster into impulse spending
[00:25:47] Rachel: Mm-hmm.
[00:25:47] Kyla: up spending money. But the money that you're spending does not feel fulfilling in the long run. Whereas if you shift it from being a pastime to a project, that's when you're now curating
[00:25:59] should be a project. It should require a little research. It should require looking around at different places. You do not need to buy just because you walked in a store. It is okay to walk into a store, look at things, touch things, try something on and leave without buying anything.
[00:26:14] There's no shame in that.
[00:26:16] Rachel: And also it's such an act of empowerment. Like if you have not left a store empty handed, I'd encourage you to try it because, because. Anything money related it, it's, this is consent, right? You, you spend your money because you consent to, not because you feel bad or you feel guilty that you're leaving without buying anything.
[00:26:38] I get it. Let's say it's a mom and pop shop or you know, the owner, it is okay to leave without buying something because that reclaims your agency. It's okay. I just wanna give big permission to that and it's, it's a good practice. Um, like what, what does that feel like for me, it's like. It's like I feel so much more kind of contained.
[00:26:59] Like, no, I do have choices here. I have absolutely bought things out of guilt. That's like even different from impulse shopping. Guilt shopping, like, oh, I feel so bad. Like I didn't buy anything and they were so nice, and I felt like I had to
[00:27:11] Oh, and that's an ick feeling too.
[00:27:13] Kyla: an ick feeling. And the thing is, for like a practical way to go about that, um, what I do is when I go into a store and they say, how can I help you? Of course you can say, I'm just looking around today and just wanted to see what's out there. And they might even show you some things and have a conversation with you and then you'll say, well, you know what?
[00:27:31] It wouldn't hurt to try it on, but I didn't have any plans to buy today. Just looking.
[00:27:36] Rachel: Ooh, I didn't have any plans to buy today. And then you said it. They've heard it.
[00:27:42] Kyla: Did it, we, we diffused the situation, the
[00:27:46] Rachel: Taking breath.
[00:27:47] Kyla: of sales associate. I have to help them make sure they, you know, I
[00:27:52] Rachel: No,
[00:27:52] Kyla: excuses we come up in their head and, and when it's time for you to leave, I'll say thank
[00:27:57] Rachel: always
[00:27:58] Kyla: Just
[00:27:58] Rachel: don't slink out. It's okay. All right, everyone. Okay. I want everyone to repeat after me. It was not my plan to buy something today.
[00:28:07] Kyla: Mm-hmm.
[00:28:08] Rachel: That's great. And then we're all setting expectations, especially for yourself. Yeah. 'cause we, I think that one of the worst feelings is letting ourselves down, crossing our own boundaries really sucks.
[00:28:20] And I've done that. Like one of my first tiktoks was talking about, I had gone to, I don't know, Ulta for makeup. And they don't price things. It's just so annoying. And I get to the counter and I kind of had added up in my head what I thought it might be and it was like a good 50 bucks over that. But it was like this awkward moment like, mm, okay.
[00:28:39] And I bought it and I can't return, you know? And it was just like, ah, I totally crossed my own boundary. I should have, you know, been like, you know what? I'm gonna look for something else. And like been, been okay with that. But there was this like moment of being on the spot and this social pressure, I think that was the grossest feeling is that I crossed my own boundary. I could have had a lot more integrity then. Um, and I reflect on that a lot, and I think that that helped. Even reflecting on that misstep has helped me have more integrity next time I go in, right, it's like, yeah, the project, I'm gonna research this. It's okay to return stuff.
[00:29:08] It's okay to be like, oops, you know what? That is not quite what I was intending. Um, what, what else do you have that's similar at a lower price point? These are okay. Things to ask.
[00:29:17] Kyla: Yes. And I think too, when it comes to giving yourself the permission to ask those questions, you end up feeling great about your closet, but you also end up having a lot more use out of your closet now because when you've really taken the time to ask yourself those questions. the time to research a little. one another thing I always say to folks is go in there with a shopping list. Um, you know, like the same way going grocery shopping when you're hungry will lead you to buy things going, going into any mall, any store shopping online without a clear understanding of what you need. It means that you're leaving with things that you probably don't
[00:30:00] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:30:01] Kyla: and maybe you might like strike gold once or twice and get those really good pieces. We all have those in our closet, but for the most part, the rest of it is just a mess. And, um, yeah, give yourself permission
[00:30:13] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:30:13] Kyla: time.
[00:30:14] Rachel: I,
[00:30:14] Kyla: don't have
[00:30:15] Rachel: I will say the story with these earrings is they were at this massage place. My sister and I had gotten massages, like Nicola, if you're listening. And uh, I kinda admired them. We were like waiting to check out like, oh, those are pretty, you know, but I wasn't planning, planning on buying them. And then she bought them for me and it was like this lovely little memento of this lovely time we had together.
[00:30:34] And like, they're one of the things I wear the most. And, you know, and it, because it was, it was careful also like. You know, I tend to go thrifting, you know, so, but it was, it made it actually like a really special thing and then like this lovely memento and I love re-wearing my things, especially ones that, that have a story.
[00:30:52] And I think, I think it's something that I've learned in the last, I don't know, maybe 10 years. Just wear your good stuff. For a long time. My mom is like this too. Like, don't wear your nice stuff. Like, well, so you're gonna wear the cheap stuff
[00:31:05] Kyla: Exactly,
[00:31:07] Rachel: Yeah, wear your good stuff. It's okay.
[00:31:10] Kyla: stuff. You should be wearing your good stuff daily. You are actually, believe wasting money when you get good stuff and you never
[00:31:20] Rachel: Mm-hmm.
[00:31:20] Kyla: And instead you get things that you don't love and use those every day instead because you don't wanna waste
[00:31:27] Rachel: Are you don't wanna,
[00:31:28] Kyla: the good thing that you
[00:31:30] Rachel: don't wanna mess it up. Uh, I know. And then
[00:31:33] yeah.
[00:31:34] Kyla: And the thing is, I mean, I recognize like, hey, I, I have spilled ketchup on a white t-shirt before I get it. Like, we don't want to mess things up. also, your pieces are meant to be used and worn, and those good stuff that you have, like of course take care of them, but also recognize that is no limit to the amount of good stuff that's
[00:31:57] Rachel: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[00:31:58] Kyla: an amazing dress that you're putting, that you never wear, a great jacket that you never wear because it's the good thing that you love the most, but you won't, you keep denying yourself from enjoying and using, use it. And if the day comes and it really has become tattered and worn and it can't be worn again, have trust that you can find another good stuff
[00:32:19] Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. And
[00:32:20] Kyla: Yeah.
[00:32:21] Rachel: repair stuff. That's a lost art. That's a lost art. Mm-hmm.
[00:32:25] Kyla: Your local tailor, your local cobbler. Keep them in
[00:32:28] Rachel: They really,
[00:32:29] Kyla: you and you need them
[00:32:31] Rachel: shoes. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:32:33] Kila, we we can just, I, and I could talk all day long. Okay. But I do want your checklist. Could you go over the checklist of the essentials for us, uh, women presenting people? I, I love your checklist. Okay.
[00:32:49] It's gorgeous.
[00:32:50] Kyla: on this list. Okay, so we have a white t-shirt, a neutral tank top. We have a neutral long sleeve top, a white button down top, preferably cotton, um, a neutral body sleeve, um, body suit, sorry, body suit, any sleeve. Um, the reason I say that is because they can be very forgiving and really easy for layering as well, when in the colder months have denim including one pair of light wash, one medium, one dark. I am a personal stylist and I have four pairs of jeans. That's all I need. get perfectly great use. They get repaired when they need to be repaired. And then when it's time to get some new ones, I'll get some new ones, but I don't need to have bunch of things on the theme of pants. One pair of light neutral pants.
[00:33:41] One pair of dark neutral pants works. When the warmer weathers come. Weather comes. You want a pair of denim shorts, a pair of neutral shorts. Um, having a neutral skirt. And also I'm using the word neutral a lot.
[00:33:54] Rachel: Yeah. What do you mean?
[00:33:55] Kyla: make sure everyone knows, that's like anything black, gray, brown, or navy or white.
[00:34:01] Rachel: Okay. Right. Not hot pink, like that is an accent piece. That's, I mean,
[00:34:06] which we love, but those are your accent pieces. Yeah.
[00:34:09] Kyla: Yes. And, and as I move through this list, you'll hear that a lot of these are neutrals because this allows you to have the basis. Of what a capsule wardrobe is, and then from there you can purchase those more accent pieces and build those into your wardrobe. But these are items that are gonna carry you through the day to day.
[00:34:26] Okay, so continuing on this list, you've all heard of the little black dress. I do believe you do need one. Um, for those who live in the colder weather, a good trench coat, it carries you through like two and a half of the four seasons. a neutral blazer, a leather jacket, a denim jacket, with shoes, you want a pair of flats, a pair of heels, a pair of white sneakers, neutral boots and sandals. And then for accessories, uh, dark, um, leather belts and a leather bag. those are all the items I say everyone should have.
[00:35:01] And you'll note that. Just with this alone, a bunch of outfits can be made. Um, there's over a hundred different combinations in this list alone. Um, and with that being said as well, you can still build this out adding in the accent pieces, adding in the interest pieces, adding in the mementos that are going to really add personality to your wardrobe. Um, and when you do that, you know that you can wear them very easily by mixing and matching them with these essentials.
[00:35:33] Rachel: I love that. I love that list. Yeah. It's, yeah, as you're looking, as you're like reading that list, some of those I have and some of those I don't, and I can see that like there have been times where like I'm at a conference like, oh no, I don't have slacks. I really could do with some slacks. Right. So is some of those basics, and it sounds like a lot of this is geared to, to work, but doesn't have to be.
[00:35:51] Right. But if we have, you know, even if you're self-employed or you're. On Zoom all day, like I am, you know, and you're dressing from the waist up. That's okay. Um, but having these pieces can also dress up, dress down, all of that, right? Yeah.
[00:36:04] Kyla: Yes, Dress up, dress down. Um, they can take you to work. They can take you for, um, just a weekend. They can even help you if you have something, um, fancy that comes up too as well. Um, especially having that little black dress is good. But I do suggest for folks not to. consider the different options that there are out there for those fancier occasions. Um, we live in beautiful age of clothing rental, um, consignment, secondhand. Um, I highly suggest that if you're going to get something for like a wedding, like it actually does to me make far more sense to rent that from rent the runway or newly than it does to. Um, feel like you need to buy that, and then you don't wanna take another picture in something like that again.
[00:36:51] And, you know, um, I, I highly suggest for those items, um, you know, feel free to rent them and that allows you to build a closet that really actually makes sense for your
[00:37:04] Rachel: Day to day.
[00:37:05] Kyla: a closet for the fantasy.
[00:37:07] Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. I think that makes a lot of sense. Could you go over the, the different body types? Just real quick, and people might know this, but I'm a silly girl who did not know this stuff until I met you. Could you, yeah. Could you go over the different body types real quick?
[00:37:22] Kyla: Of
[00:37:22] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:37:22] Kyla: course. So we ha I use the five classic body types, but I have a little bit of a spin on them. So of course we talked about hour glass. The hourglass body type means that your shoulders and your hips are approximately the same width, and your waist is your narrowest point. We have the. What I call the strawberry, which can sometimes be called the inverted triangle, but I don't think anybody in this life wants to be referred to as an inverted triangle.
[00:37:47] Rachel: I like strawberry.
[00:37:48] Kyla: sometimes it's called a carrot,
[00:37:51] Rachel: Oh.
[00:37:51] Kyla: works, but I, I don't love it because. It may, that makes the assumption that you're long, lean and tall and you're not always, so I think strawberry works better. That simply means that your shoulders, um, or your bust are the widest point on your body, and then your hips and your waist are more narrow. We have the apple body type, which means your waist is the widest point, whereas your shoulders and your hips are more narrow. We have the pair. Which means that your hips are the widest point and your waist and your shoulders are most narrow. And then we have the straight body type, which means that you're about the same width going all the way down and. These body types can change over time, especially for women. Um, these body types also apply to men, those same exact five body types. Um, these body types can change over time. You might start off with one body type and then at some point, maybe after you have kids, or maybe after you get a little bit older, you notice that your body type has shifted a little. That is perfectly normal, happens all the time. which is why I ended up building out actually an AI tool, which felt so cool to do. Um, but it allows you to like, talk back and forth with my bot and, um, it's, it's been trained after me and it kind of goes through like, okay, your body is going through changes, or, oh, you wanna figure out what your body type is.
[00:39:07] Um, you wanna learn what works for you. Should I buy the stress? Should I not buy the stress? And it is your little buddy that helps you with
[00:39:13] Rachel: That was great. I will let us know how we can get that and I'll put it all in the show notes.
[00:39:18] Kyla: I will give you that link. It's, it's really exciting. People got it. And people who've used it have been like, oh my gosh, wait. is amazing. And I'm like, yes, it's me in your pocket.
[00:39:28] Rachel: Yeah, just as a side note, Kyla's a little bit of a techie geek, so that is a fun thing that I know about you that you bring in.
[00:39:35] Kyla: Thank you. Yes. That's, it's, it's one of my favorite
[00:39:38] Rachel: That's a great superpower. That is wonderful. Um, Kyla, well let us know how can people reach you and what, what kind of stuff are you offering right now?
[00:39:47] Kyla: Yes. So you can reach me across all platforms. I'm on Facebook, Instagram, I'm on YouTube. I'm everywhere at its, itskylanotkayla. Um, you can also find me at itskylanotkayla.com
[00:40:02] Rachel: I love your domain.
[00:40:04] Kyla: Thank you. I've had this, um, handle for over a decade now, and the reason I use it is because I've always, growing up when I was a little more afraid to stand out and I so desperately wanted to belong, would call me by the wrong name all the time and I wouldn't even correct them because I would feel like, you know, I'm just glad to get called on. You know, as sad as that is, but a lot of us are still doing that now in our adult life in different ways. So everything that I'm about as it relates to style, your image, um, is about really allowing yourself to get to know yourself and then unapologetically showing up is that daily. Um, so you can find me. It's Kyla not kayla.com everywhere. I work with people one-on-one and I also have workshops with groups. Um, so if you follow me on my platforms, you'll know when I'm enrolling for the next workshop. But if you wanna work with me one-on-one, you can always shoot me a DM and we can get things started.
[00:41:06] Rachel: That's so great. All right, Kyla, I wanna end with, I almost called you Kayla there.
[00:41:12] Kyla: It becomes tempting after I say it too much.
[00:41:14] Rachel: I promise I won't. All right. I wanna end with a question that I ask all my guests, which is, if you could take a quiet beat and imagine your money as a creature, what is the first thing that comes to mind? It's always right. Don't overthink it.
[00:41:31] Kyla: Whenever I think about my money, I see it as. I don't know if you know those little, um, suit spirits from the studio, Gili films. They're like the little black fuzzy things with little eyes and, and they come up that way for me because I, I. Have a relationship with money that is becoming more playful, but used to be very much so, like me feeling like I needed to chase it.
[00:41:58] And then realizing that when you just stay still, they just like come to you slowly. And when you just like stay in your position, you know, stay embodied. Money comes to you on its own, it, it wants to hang out with you, it wants to be there with you. But the minute you start to like your nervous system starts to freak out, they all scatter and run
[00:42:19] Rachel: Totally right. Yeah. It's like the brainwaves of like, yeah, animals will come to you when you're like in that calm state. Oh, that's lovely. And I love,
[00:42:28] I love that you said playfulness. 'cause I, I think, I think it's true. I think when we identify money, we start to have a relationship with it. It, it desires, closeness, and it desires a bit more light than, than we usually give it.
[00:42:39] Yeah.
[00:42:40] Kyla: It does. I, I've noticed money doesn't want us to make it our be all and end all. It doesn't even, it's like, that's not what I'm here for. I'm just here to like, have a good time with you,
[00:42:49] Rachel: I just wanna help you. I just wanna be cl
[00:42:51] Kyla: But I just wanna help. Yes.
[00:42:54] Rachel: closer. I wanna play. That's beautiful. Well, Kyla, thank you so much. I know we could talk forever. We'll link to everything in the show notes and, uh, I know that I dress better and feel better about my body because of you. So thank you so much for, um, spreading this message to everyone.
[00:43:09] Kyla: Of course. Thank you so much for having me.
[00:43:12]
[00:43:15] I love talking with that Kyla Brown. It makes me wanna go right up to my closet and see how many of these essentials I have. I think I might have 20%. Thanks for listening to the Money Healing Club podcast. You can find resources, links, everything from this episode in the show notes below, or@moneyhealingclub.com slash podcast.
[00:43:35] If you enjoyed this episode, I wanna warmly invite you to the actual. Money Healing Club. It's a place on the internet that is very special. It's where I spend most of my time. It's a membership and learning community with live financial therapy events, money coworking, tapping sessions, a private forum and lessons for you to deepen your money healing process.
[00:43:55] It's the most comprehensive and affordable way to work with me and meet other money healers, you're not alone. In this journey, go to Money healing club.com/club and use code PODCAST at checkout for half off your first month. Do you have a question or a topic about financial therapy or just living this life with money?
[00:44:16] I'd love to get your voicemail to be featured on a future episode of the podcast. Check it out at moneyhealingclub.com/podcast. You'll see a big orange button there where you can record from any device you're on. And you can be totally anonymous. We are in this together and I really appreciate it.
[00:44:33] I'll see you next time.
[00:44:34]